Day 168

**Disclaimer, the following post deals with the topic of my marriage and divorce, and it is a little more raw then the typical Hadley's Happenings, if you feel you might have an issue with that topic, please feel free not to read this post.**

This is written for Hadley:

For the past few months I have contemplated this post (which was supposed to be posted yesterday, June 21). Today, would have been my 3 year anniversary. Three years, wow, that is no time at all. It makes me really sad, partially for my heart, partially for my pride, but mostly for you, my daughter. I grew up with divorced parents, parents I have basically zero memory of ever living with in the same house. Thus, it was always my conviction that I would do whatever possible to provide a different kind of home for my family. I want you to know, that you were/are by no means a mistake or a child that wasn't wanted. You were something I personally had been praying about for a while, someone I thought was part of a plan. I am not writing this to go into details about my marriage, those that need to know those do know(and some just think they do). However, at some point the plan began to fall apart. I will make it my life's work to make sure there is never a moment that you think any of that had to do with you. Perhaps it was my selfish desires to be a mother that allowed me to consider starting a family on a foundation that was not so sturdy, but that was MY choice. I wanted you so badly, and I suppose somewhere in the back of my mind it lingered that I would want you no matter what happened between your father and I. As it is today, your father and I do not have a civil relationship, there is a lot of pain and anger on my part, but I am working really hard on that, for YOUR sake. I know I don't remember my parents together, but I do remember they seemed to get along for the most part, and I want that for you. Perhaps one day you will come to me and think I failed you, and on some levels I will agree with you. However, I know that our life as it is today is for the best. I guarantee I am under A LOT less stress. You will not be living in a house with arguing and lack of trust.

Instead I strive to provide an environment in which you can feel the amount of love I have for you, and believe me little girl, there is A LOT of love. So while it is true that your family situation is not "normal" or ideal, it is what is best for you and me, and that at the end of the day that is all that matters, and know that there are lots of people that love and adore you, and for that I am grateful.