Circle the Drain

Today as I was listening to my Maroon 5 Pandora station, Katy Perry’s song Circle the Drain came on. As I listened to it, it became really clear it was a song that was speaking to me. So of course that meant I had to Google the song lyrics. As I read them, it was kind of like reliving the life I once was a part of. Obviously not all of, but the basic theme and idea-yup, I’ve been there. That’s why I love music, it can really strike a chord and move something within us- it can evoke sentiment, memories, and so much more…so of course here are the lyrics.



"Circle The Drain"

This is the last time you say,
After the last line you break,
It's not even a holiday,
Nothing to celebrate.
You give a hundred reasons why,
And you say you're really gonna try.
If I had a nickel for everytime,
I'd own the bank.

Thought that I was the exception,
I could have rewrite your addiction,
You could've been the greatest,
But you'd rather get wasted.

You fall asleep during foreplay,
'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking' mother.
Can't be your savior, I don't have the power.
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain,
Watch you circle the drain,
Watch you circle the drain.

You say you have to write your rhymes,
Whatever helps you sleep at night
You've become what you despise,
A stereotype
You think you're so rock and roll,
But you're really just a joke.
Had the world in the palm of your hands,
But you fucking choked
Should've been my team mate,
Could've changed your fate,
You say that you love me,
You won't remember in the morning.

You fall asleep during foreplay,
'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother.
Can't be your savior, I don't have the power.
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain,
Watch you circle the drain,
Watch you circle the drain.

You fall asleep during foreplay,
'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.
Wanna be your lover, not your fucking mother.
Can't be your savior, I don't have the power.
I'm not gonna stay and watch you circle the drain,
Watch you circle the drain,
Watch you circle the drain.
Watch you circle the drain,
Watch you circle the drain.
You fall asleep during foreplay,
'Cause the pills you take, are more your forte.
I'm not sticking around to watch you go down.

A bit of a soap box...

It is no secret that I like to watch tv, that and reading are pretty much what I like to do each night to relax. Last night I was watching a new show on Bravo called LA Shrinks. Obviously, as a counselor this show appeals to me. Last night one of the doctors was talking to a woman that was in the “adult entertainment” industry, and had lot of issues attracting the wrong kind of guy. I am sure by this point, you are wondering why I am writing this on a blog that is SUPPOSED to be about Hadley- I am getting there. As the doctor is working with the client in this particular session, it is reveled that she came from a home that had lots of problems, an alcoholic father, a withdrawn mother, and a heroine addicted sister, which ultimately ended in a divorce between her parents. The doctor came back with a statement that included the words “broken home.”

This for some reason struck a chord with me and got thinking about that phrase. It has a really bad connotation, yet is often quickly thrown on a situation in which children are raised in a home that doesn’t have both parents. I guess by that definition I was raised in such an environment. My parents divorced when I was five, yet I wouldn’t say that fact alone has had a negative impact on me at all…yet I am a product of a so called broken home- does that infer that I might be broken. This of course gets me to thinking about Hadley. Hadley has never a day in her life lived in a home in which her parents cohabitated- EVER. At the rate of things now, she will be lucky if she can ever say that she has seen her parents get along. So in theory she is from a broken home…BUT you know what??

I think our home would be a million times more broken if her father and I were still married and living under the same roof. It would not be a happy house; it would most likely be a home filled with stress, chaos, and yelling…that is not a life I would want for myself and certainly not for my child. So while it might “look better” for Hadley to have parents who were still married, or for her to go through life without being labeled as being from a broken home, I am certain that it would definitely have more severe consequences for her in the long run.

I just hate that the phrase broken home is still being used…I work really hard to provide Hadley with the best life she can possibly have. Her needs are beyond met and she is happy and well adjusted, I just hope she is never on a therapist’s couch discussing her life while the doctor gives a knowing nod, stating “Oh, you are from a broken home.” I mean look at me, I am from a broken home, turn blended home and I feel like I am doing pretty darn good. I am happy, successful in my job, and an overall responsible human being. I don’t think the dynamic of the family matters as much as the amount of love in the home.



So now that I am off my soapbox, Hadley had her second dentist appointment today (her bi-annual cleaning). She did pretty well, she cried a little bit, which she didn’t do last time- I blame this on the fact that we were there at 7:15 and that was a little early to have a hygienist she didn’t know take her from mommy. They do a report card based on the amount of plaque on her teeth. Last time she got a C+, but today she got an A, so clearly we are doing a fairly good job brushing her teeth. They said I should be flossing her teeth daily- I am not so sure about that, but just like I tell my dentist, I told him, “oh yes, we will definitely floss everyday…” When we left she got to pick a balloon, which Hadley was SUPER excited about- that girl loves balloons!!

The time I ran a 5K

If you have known me for any length of time, you might be familiar with the fact that I have NEVER been a runner. I just hated the idea of getting out there and running for anything other than to get away from something. Even as my friends began running, I would say that’s awesome for you, but I am never going to start running. It wasn’t until two of my running friends got together and decided to start doing 5ks together, that I thought well maybe- just maybe I should consider it. The true kicker was when my friend Jill and her husband said they were going to start training. Since EVERYONE else was doing it, I didn’t want to be the loser that sat one out. Plus, we had a goal- we would all run in the Color Run on April 6th together- I work well with goals…Being the sheep that I was in this instance, I decided to use the Couch to 5k program that my friend Jill was using.

I’m not going to lie, it was awful, there were days I just hated it- especially the first time I had to run 3 straight minutes- are you kidding me? However, since all of us were in this together, I had tons of encouragement and support to stick with it- some days had it not been for that encouragement I would have quit! I finished the Couch to 5k program, but knew I had a ways to go. I wasn’t so great at running anything past 18-20 minutes; in fact most of my runs included a fast walk for several minutes. Honestly, even days before the Color Run, I wasn’t able to run an entire 5k without walking some.

I would lie if I said I was feeling super prepared to undertake the 5k. In fact, as it turned out I would be running with two girls that had completed half marathons, that’s 13 miles, y’all!! That scared the crap out of me. I constantly, was telling the girls they could go ahead of me, confident I would fall far behind them on the run.

Saturday morning, we all met up at a DART station and rode to Fair Park together, the whole way there; I was trying to pump myself up, because I wanted to do this. There were thousands of people all dressed and ready for the color run (it was cool to see all the leg warmers, tutus, and other variations of the white shirt and pants option people came up with), it was a bit hectic and were a little later than planned, but we made it and were in the FINAL heat of the morning.

As soon as we left the starting line, I told myself DO NOT STOP RUNNING, and I didn’t. I whizzed around several people, it made me feel good. I was able to keep up with, and in some instance lead my friends- and that made me feel awesome!!! It was pretty awesome to run though each station getting coated with a different color, seeing the color markers kept me motivated when I was feeling pretty tired. I couldn’t have run the whole thing by myself; it works for me to have running partners, someone to push me to keep going, by running in front of me…

We finished in 35 minutes, which means I averages about 11:30 minute miles, that is better than I did on most days training. I just have to say I am super proud of myself. I never really saw running a 5K as something I would even consider doing, but I am glad that I did AND I am ready to run another one- with “the clique” of course!