Here's Hadley...

Longer day

If yesterday was a long day today was super long. I worked 11 hours non stopped, how crazy is that?? Hopefully the long days are over...

Today Hadley's hair actually was in a pony tail, it was cute!!!!

Long day...

Today was a long day! It started extra early because I wanted to get to school early. This morning rather than watching Dora while I showered, Hadley decided to sit on the bathroom floor and drink her morning milk! She is so strange, she is going through a phase of wanting to be around me all the time- she goes in and out this phase it seems. I was able to get a few pictures of her this morning before we left for the day. For now that's all I have the energy for...

The last weekend of summer break...

It's funny this time in years past school would have already been in session at least one week, yet here we are on the eve of the first day of school. I always love the first day of a school, it's a new beginning, I suppose it is part of being in education. As a teacher I always remember the shy faces of brand new 7th graders- I had to work to get them to talk. As a counselor it isn't exactly the same, they come to me usually unhappy. They didn't any class with their BFF, they didn't want to take such and such class, or they heard their physics teacher was super hard and want to change. It is stressful you fest few days, but in a way it is good. A lot of kids come in my office this is my chance to tie face with a name for those I don't already know.

This weekend was busy, but low key. I had a little bit of shopping, working out napping,went to church, met up with Farrah for mani/pedi, had lunch at Gloria's and started the third Fifty Shades book; so a pretty good weekend. Tomorrow the kids come back and it's back to reality! Here's to a great school year!

Hadley has fallen in love with my electric toothbrush! Who am I to stand in the way of dental hygiene?!?!

I've seen better days...

Today was not my favorite by any means. It was a long stressful work day, rosters went out and teacher complaints began...I want everyone to be happy and sometimes that just can't happen! As if a bat signal went off that I was having this said bed day, I get a call that in a matter if seconds elevates my mood from stressed to disgusted and angry! I don't know who I continue to expect anything different. I finish my day about an hour after I intended to leave, which means I picked up my darling daughter later than usual. On a bright side she went to bed at a decent time which I thought meant I might get to watch mindless tv and maybe go to bed early...not so!

I get another text which turns into a call, which turns into yelling that wakes up Hadley. So much for that... All trivial problems, but in the moment things that get me incredibly angry!!! So many things I wish I could change, maybe I'll start with my expectations- since I do have control over that. At least tomorrow is Friday, so there is that to look forward to...

I have issues...

I don't know what the following says about me, but it's always been a thing I have. When I was dating my ex husband we often wore the same color, we didn't plan it, it just happened- a lot!

When we were married I liked for us to wear the same color family often, especially when we we going to church or some other gathering...that way we were similar, but not matchy matchy. I picked out his clothes and he never complained. Similarly, I find I am doing this with Hadley a lot. I usually pick out our outfits for the week on Sunday, sometimes I do it at the same time, sometimes I don't. Sometimes we end up wearing the same color on the same day by accident, somedays it I planned. Today was one of those planned days. We both wore pink tops, white bottoms and silver sandals. It was cute- it made me smile...

I hope after reading this no one thinks differently of me and my quirks!!

These are the best pictures I could get at 6:30 this morning...

Always rushing...

The last few days have been really busy. Now that everyone is back at school, it just seems like the days are not only busier, but more demanding...I can only imagine how much more demanding it will be once those 760ish little darlings show up on Monday. It is tough to be a counselor at the beginning of the year, but adding in the whole registrar thing makes my to do list a little longer...sending records, pulling files, blah, blah...

Since things are so busy it seems like my time with Hadley is rushed! This is why I am pretty glad our days are so regimented, because no matter what time we get home, there is time in our routine to play/bond/read/snuggle/ just get in quality time.

While things have been so hectic, I've also had a pretty proud mom week! On Sunday both of Hadley's new Sunday school teachers went on and and how sweet and wonderful Hadley was! Then yesterday her teacher at school said she was good, then today as we walked into school not one, but two parents stopped to tell me how adorable and smart Hadley was. I know I am her mom and I think she is is pretty darn great, but since she was born people just seem to love her. She is pretty charismatic, friendly, loving, and social! She never meets a stranger. Remarkably even the people that have witnessed her Hadley meltdowns that are not related to her, still think she is pretty great! I am not saying this to take any kind of credit, that girl has personality that is just in her and always has been, but I'd be a liar if I didn't say it makes me feel to good to hear people that don't have to say anything at all, say positive things about my child! It makes me loom forward to the day we have Open houses and meet the teacher, here's hoping 12-16 years down the line se is just as well received! Regardless what anyone else says, Hadley just makes me happy everything single day! She is so smart, beautiful, loving, and really just makes my life complete, I am one lucky mom!!!

Here are two of my more recent favorite pictures of her, since we've been so busy I haven't gotten any pictures lately...shame on me!!

Random...

-Hadley has taken to taking her diaper off. She wants to be naked...se is tricky she acts like she wants to go potty and suckers me into her helping her take off the more complicated clothing...

- Tax free shopping with a 19 month old is a very bad idea; Hadley seemingly hates crowds as much as I do!

- A night with my North ladies in the "usual places," never fails to be tons of fun

- just like a weekend with my mom here just makes me happy. It is always easier to have the help, and something about the company of mom is just comforting!!

-Hadley is in the twos age group at church now, everyone in her section is already two or will be by the end of the year...it seems like yesterday I was taking her to the nursery for the first time, with pregnancy weight still on my face...

- The teachers all come back tomorrow, school is starting it is official! I am so proud of myself and the counseling office by 2pm on Friday afternoon, there were no to do lists!

- My BFF Tara starts her first teaching job this year! I am so excited for her- she has been ready for this day for a while, so glad it's finally here!

-I am so ready for fall, going to Hobby Lobby and seeing all the pumpkins and fall decorations didn't help- at all!!

- I am thinking this is going to be a great year; I am going to do everything to make it that way! The school is getting me an IPad, I am pretty excited about that- so I can work from home of course, not for any other reason :)

- my kid loves veggies! She gobbled up spinach this week and couldn't get enough broccoli tonight! I had a salad at lunch and she had a burger, she wanted my salad- I love that and hope it never changes, I have always loved most veggies too!

Thoughts on a Thursday...

It's amazing how getting to work 30 minutes before everyone really allows me to get a whole lot done. So long snooze button we had a great run, buy it seems our time together is over!

It is equally amazing that a productive day eases so much anxiety...not having a pile of things to do taunting me really makes a world of difference.

Hadley is on the verge on full blown talking. Everyday she seems to say new words I didn't even know he knew, she is trying so hard to make sentences

It really gets on my nerves when you are talking to someone and they ate like trying to mouth along while you talk, maybe this is something not many notice, but I have known several people that do this...it bugs the crap out of me!

I love my job, I love my coworkers , and I love that I have made so many good relationships with some awesome kids- I am super lucky in the career department!!

Hadley got hurt at school today, it was the first time I felt really upset about something. It looks really bad, not sure about the new teacher in her room...

I have been working out everyday for a month now. I love that it is part of my routine. I saw somewhere that it takes 4 weeks for you to notice changes, 8 weeks for friends and family to notice and 12 weeks for everyone else. I am happy with the result I am seeing! Am I all of a sudden skinny? Well no ( probably because I had two pieces of pie for lunch...), but I am happy with my progress!

I am thinking its going to be a good weekend! A night out with some of my favorites Friday, a day of fun and maybe some shopping with mom Saturday, and promotion weekend at church Sunday. It will be busy, but good!!

I am amazed at how much love I feel for Hadley, it's like just when i think I couldn't possibly love her anymore I do!

We have a new marine recruiter at our school, he is a cutie!!!

I love Top Chef so much! Who am I kidding I love all shows by Bravo, can't wait for Flipping Out, that really is my all time fav!!

Yay for tomorrow being Friday! Yay for friends and seeing my mom!!

Type A

If you have known me for any length of time, you most likely know I most definitely have a type a personality. A lot of times I like this part of me, I am organized, driven, and focused; however, sometimes this little trait causes me stress, and lots of it. I found this hand definition of the personality type today:

Type A

The theory describes a Type A individual as ambitious, rigidly organized, highly status conscious, can be sensitive, care for other people, are truthful, impatient, always try to help others, take on more than they can handle, want other people to get to the point, proactive, and obsessed with time management. People with Type A personalities are often high-achieving "workaholics" who multi-task, push themselves with deadlines, and hate both delays and ambivalence.

In his 1996 book, Type A Behavior: Its Diagnosis and Treatment, Friedman suggests that Type A behavior is expressed in three major symptoms: free-floating hostility, which can be triggered by even minor incidents; time urgency and impatience, which causes irritation and exasperation usually described as being "short-fused"; and a competitive drive, which causes stress and an achievement-driven mentality. The first of these symptoms is believed to be covert and therefore less observable, while the other two are more overt.

That being said, sometimes, especially at work I feel extremely anxious. For example today I was at a workshop, that stressed me out, I already feel behind...but the thing is the workshop was over first day procedures, so I can't actually do any of it now, but it sends me into a panic. Right now on my desk there is a pile of folders of kids that are new enrolled and need schedules. It will get done I know this, but the thought of that pile sitting there stresses me out. I am having a bit of a time juggling my counselor and registrar duties; mostly because I want everything done now. I need to let that go. As my friend and coworker Kristi said, it will get done, just take your time. That is good advice, advice that I should take!

My goal this year is to work on that. I need to slow down, not stress and know I am capable of getting it done and if it isn't now, then that's okay too. In theory that sounds good, but really that is almost completely changing myself...but I think it needs to be done, otherwise I just might have a nervous breakdown!!!

The good life

On my drive home today I was thinking about life. Sure it would be easy to gripe and moan about the hard parts or the unfair parts, and let's be honest I do occasionally do that. However today when I glanced back in the rearview mirror and saw my beautiful daughter smiling at me and realized how lucky we are.

I think back to only two years ago, everything was a struggle, I worked multiple jobs to make ends meet and it just was never enough. I wasn't miserable or anything, but I was tired and knew life had to get better, preferably the sooner the better. Now I work one job, and I am so lucky to work at a school that is so family focused. It truly has been the best place I ever worked and that in of itself makes all the difference. I am able to have everything Hadley and I need and even some things we don't need.

I have a church that I love and even though it is large through serving and bible studies I really feel connected. I want this to be the church Hadley grows up in. I have a daycare that lives my child almost as much as I do- really every teacher there goes above and beyond to do all the extra things she requires from the moment she walks in...for instance she has to start every morning with a hug and Ms. Heather does that every single day!!

I have the unwavering support of my patents, all three of them. I am taking emotional support, if I need help or need to vent they are there, as are my amazing friends.

I go through phased where I only see the negative in things, sometimes it feels that is easier to do, but if I just take one step back, it isn't hard to see how lucky I am. I get to share everyday with an incredible little girl, that is the biggest blessing I ever could have dreamed!! I really think I am the happiest I have ever been, sure I have rough patches, but mostly I am extremely happy with my life. It may be a little routine, but sometimes a little routine is comforting. It just dawned on me today that I waste a lot of energy pointing out the bad or discussing what is unfair. The truth is everything is in my life for a reason; in someway the negative makes me stronger/wiser. I just needed to document these thoughts as sometimes they are fleeting. It is just important to be thankful for all that I have and today it is clear to me how immensely blessed Hadley and I are!

Here are some photos from today and a few things I've found on the Internet that I wanted to share...

Mom guilt...

The week days as of late just seem like a blur. We wake up rush around to get out the door and to school/work on time. After I drop Hadley off I work until 4ish and try to make it to the gym, I like to get an hour in, so I try to be out at 5. I get Hadley come home get her a drink and a sometimes a snack. She always wants to watch Dora as soon as we get home, so I let her and this is the time I get dinner ready, change into comfy clothes and sometimes just sit on the couch for a few moments. Then we eat dinner, color, play for a bit, take a bath, and get ready for bed. Sometimes that happens quickly, sometimes Hadley decides she doesn't want to sleep...

I am struggling with the idea that we don't get a lot of quality time. We play for a bit every day and have snuggle and reading time every night, and of course every other weekend we get lots of time together. I think it is just the reality of summer being over. I have the luxury of not having to work for about 6 weeks in the summer, which is nice, but also leaves me missing the quality time we once had. I guess this is the age old dilemma of the working mom. It is important for Hadley to go to school to be with peers, and I love going to work, but I just hope I'm doing the best I can do to make the most of our time together. I know I could not go to the gym and get Hadley earlier, but I enjoy it and anything I can do to keep healthy benefits her. Maybe I'm being too hard on myself. I know my child is happy, and I know she feels loved and cared for and that's all that matter...but that mom guilt just won't SHUT UP!!!

Parenting is...

...a strange thing. One moment my child can make me so upset/ frustrated and in a matter of seconds she does something that reminds me how awesome/brilliant/sweet she can be.

...the a lot harder than I expected it to be; some days it's all I can do to simply maintain.

...something that absolutely makes life better. Having a littler person to love on makes all the difference!

...is stressful- am I making the right choices, can Hadley wait just one second

...means a complete loss of privacy! I no longer can go to bathroom alone!

...is expensive, I am still paying on NICU bills, not to mention the day to day!

...is awesome, watching Hadley grow and learn each day is simply amazing....she is so smart!

...comforting, spending evenings/ eat morning cuddling or reading just warms my heart!

...is tiring, 19 month olds clearly have endless amounts of energy!!!

...is humbling, a lot if times Hadley is like a mirror- I see many if my character traits in her, talk about new found respect for my mom!

...one part of my life, I love being a mom, but it is not all that I am!

...all about sacrifice, having a baby was my choice and I have certain expectations for what I can provide for her and with that comes sacrifice, that of course is completely worth it!

...fun, Hadley makes me laugh everyt single day!

...so much more than I ever could have expected! I never knew how much I could love someone, even before I met her! Everyday is an adventure and I could ask for a better little person to share the journey with!

photo dump

Things have been hectic, so here is a dump of some pictures that never made it to the blog...