Our week in Humble

Hadley and I have had a great time staying in Humble. She really loves playing outside, swinging, and chasing after my parent's beagle Maggie. We spent a lot of time playing in the sprinkler, the pool, and she loved riding around in the wagon, while PaPa James pulled her. She also discovered a love for finger painting!

We had several new experiences too! Gigi and I, took her to the Children's Museum in Houston. It was crazy packed in the main part of the museum, but upstairs in the tot spot, it wasn't too bad. Hadley loved the freedom of being able to run around and do whatever she wanted to do. There was a ball pit and a bridge that seemed to be her favorite. It was interesting to watch all these babies through 2 year old interact. Hadley either wanted to kiss them or hit them, I am not sure what was the determining factor. She got hit and pushed a few times, but didn't seem to mind. That's just how kids that age are I guess... They had an outdoor area with cars and cones and such, she loved that too. It was really hot outside so we only stayed at there a while!

We tried lots of new foods. I was most excited about the Greek restaurant we tried. Hadley really like it- she ate lamb, grape leaves, pita bread, feta cheese, and lemon potatoes. I was amazed at her willingness to try new foods, I hope she keeps it up! She also ate fajitas, cheese dip, baked potato soup, onions, grits, and blue cheese dressing. She will try anything pretty much!




Thursday we went to visit my dad, Bop. Hadley had a great time running around his condo getting into everything!! We had a good time visiting and playing. He will be making a trip up to see us soon to help convert Hadley's crib into a big girl bed. This is especially important, because last nigh I caught her literally hanging on the rail of the crib...it is SCARY to think what would  have happened had I not gone in to check on her at that moment!

Friday, we made a visit to College Station. I wanted to start a tradition of taking our picture outside of the Clayton Williams building by the ring every time we visited, so when she does go there, I can make her a collage or something. We walked around the new and improved and GORGEOUS MSC, and walked around the campus until we thought we were going to die of heat stroke! Hadley did really well and seemed to love it. When we got to the ring, that all changed. She was OVER IT! She didn't want to take a picture at all, and proceeded to bite my face, which hurt A LOT, and throw the WORST tantrum I have ever seen...we immediately went back to to car...LUCKILY no one was around to witness it!!!

Saturday, is Hadley's day to spend with her Nana, Papa, and her father. My mom came home with us, so that means she and I get a girls' day where we don't have to chase around an 18 month old! I think we are going to catch a movie, maybe do some shopping, and possibly even attempt to have a leisurely lunch, we will miss Hadley of course, but it will be nice to have adult time!

Save the drama for your mama, just keep it away from me!

Hadley and I have been having a blast here in Humble, and I have tons of pictures to upload;however, this post is not about that. Instead it will be a sort of stream of consciousness post about several things swirling around in my head today.

Drama- I hate you. I have been accused of being a drama queen now and again, but in recent years it has become something I loathe. Mostly I hate how there is something about me that seems to attract these people that seem to live off of a high they get from stirring the pot. As a single mom I just don't have the space in my brain to even take a second to dwell on things that do not affect me, nor do I desire to plot against anyone in the name of revenge or because I am bored. The funny thing is I can be minding my own business and then bam! Just like that something starts a chain of events that gets me tangled in a web or stories and arguments that totally derail my day. Perhaps that is my fault. Why am I so easily sucked into it?

The truth is here today at nearly 29 years old, all I want is a simple life...one in which "crazy" things do not happen that make it almost impossible to forage ahead as a rational/sane person. Most days I mange to live a fairly ordinary life, and hey that is alright with me...it's the random happenings of stress and drama that make me thankful I no longer live that way daily, but it also makes me realize I have a long way to go before I can completely turn my back on it. I am pretty confident that on some level it is this hint of drama that gives me difficulty and stands in my way in this whole dating scene...

It's sorta funny that I just said dating scene as if I have it all going on over here, I don't- not at all. To call it a scene is a joke, more like a desert. I go between wanting to find someone to just not knowing how to make it all work...I am very unclear in what I want and what I am looking for. I ponder trying online dating, but can't help but shake that goes against meeting the person I am supposed to meet organically. I am just praying that when it is the right person it hits me over the head, otherwise I am likely to settle and "make it work" because that is what I do. I would like to think I deserve better than that, heck EVERYONE deserves better than that...

I don't know, it's all pretty confusing for me. I just think I am thinking too much: perhaps I just need to stop trying so hard and see what happens. It hurts when you really put yourself out there only to get rejected, but if you never try you never know. I am just going to really take this time to straighten all these drifting thoughts in my head, and figure out what is important to me and what I want/need. In the mean time, I am enjoying all the other relationships in my life: my family. My girlfriends, and of course raising my brilliant little girl!

The last few days...

Hadley and I headed down to Humble on Wednesday. I went into work that morning and planned to be there for just a bit, but ended up staying a little bit longer, so we left town about an hour later than I had planned on. While on 45 about an hour from our destination, a huge clump of mud came flying off of a truck in front of me: I watched in slow motion as it came flying right towards my windshield, I had no shoulder and couldn't change lanes, so I just hoped it wouldn't hurt the window...well my hopes were ignored. It did some pretty bad damage to my windshield, it was pretty scary!

Thursday, we went to visit my mom at work on her last day before her two week vacation. Hadley had a pretty good time running around her building!
Thursday also marked the one year anniversary of Jake dying...I can't believe it's been a full year without my faithful pup, I sure do miss him.

Friday was my 10 year reunion. Tara and I went to get pedicures that afternoon to get ready for the event. I was a little disappointed in the turnout, out of nearly 900 people about 100 actually showed up, and not a whole lot of people that I wanted to see. Tara , Billy, and I met up with Stephanie at Brick House Tavern- it was pretty fun to catch up with the people I've actually kept in contact with!

Saturday my Uncle Hub and cousin Carol came over. We made fajitas and visited. Sunday we did some shopping and that evening I went with Tara to the One Direction concert. They aren't a band I am fanatical about, but it was fun: most importantly it was nice to have several hours of just adult time to talk!

We are here all week and have lots of fun plans!

Lovesong

Lovesong has always been one of my favorite songs by The Cure, and when I got the Adele album, I was pleasantly surprised to hear her cover. It's a sexy song to me, I know that sounds weird, but it is. I am hopeful to find someone that makes me feel that way one day. For now, I love the song because usually by that point in the cd my dear sweet Hadley is asleep!

Here are the lyrics, enjoy!

Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am home again.
Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am whole again.

Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am young again.
Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am fun again.

However far away,
I will always love you.
However long I stay,
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you;
I will always love you.

Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am free again.
Whenever I'm alone with you,
You make me feel like I am clean again.

However far away,
I will always love you.
However long I stay,
I will always love you.
Whatever words I say,
I will always love you;
I will always love you.

Now, it feels like summer!

Today was the first day it really felt like summer break to me. Hadley started our day pretty early at 4:30, but that's okay. She was content to watch a little Dora while I woke up. We played around the house and on the balcony this morning, then met up with a co-worker for lunch. I am always leery of taking Hadley out to eat with someone other than my mom, AKA someone that has to love Hadley. She just gets really stir crazy and restaurants aren't her favorite. It went okay, I suppose....luckily Cindy was really understanding and did a great job of entertaining Hadley and had quick working solutions...that is the joy of eating with a fellow mom, it isn't nearly as embarrassing, because at least they have a been there done that attitude, at least that is what I tell myself!

After lunch we headed to the splash pad in Forney. It was a blast. Hadley LOVED it! She was chasing after the big kids, she just is so social. She kept trying to hug everyone and go kiss all the babies. She also tried to steal a Sophie off of a baby's stroller...she is a handful. She ran around the splash pad and the park for a good hour an a half. She loved swinging...she did that for a good 20 minutes. It was a pleasant outing, we both had a good time, I see many visits there this summer. I had hoped to take pictures of Hadley and the splash pad, but it wasn't easy for this mama to let her run around and play and watch her and take pictures, maybe next time!!

Tomorrow we head to Humble. I am pretty excited about it, I have a few things going on, most notably my 10 year reunion, and am looking forward to several outings with my mom and Hadley. Here we are it is officially summer break...yay!!

We got Hadley's new big girl backpack today, I love it; no more diaper bag!

Life's lessons

The past few days have been pretty eye opening for me. I have learned a few lessons that I thought I would pass along...

• From yesterday's message at church: we are commanded to love our neighbors yes; however, that love doesn't necessarily mean we have to like them or feel the warm feelings we equate with love towards them, it is more of a sense of compassion/concern, it seems a lot easier to when you put it that way...basically be nice to everyone, how hard is that???
• I can't hold myself responsible for other people's hangups. Sometimes it isn't about me at all...
• I am not able to discern a nice/normal guy, clearly.
• I have a lot of faith in people, almost to a fault. When you tell me something I honestly believe you. I may be skeptical, but in my mind somewhere I believe that most of what people say they are going to do they will do...I am notorious for giving lots of chances, as pessimistic as I come across, deep down I am an eternal optimist when it comes to people.
• I really like going to a movie by myself...there is something about having a good sob alone in a dark room
• I can't get enough sweet tea and lemonade this summer...I love that stuff!
• I am one that fights for something I want, evidently this can be a bad thing when dealing with relationships, maybe it isn't a bad thing, maybe it is the wrong people...again I can't pick 'em!
• Working out makes me feel a lot better, I took a bit of hiatus because I was working so late and couldn't fit it in. It gives me an energy I like. I am going to make sure I go to the gym at least 3 times a week (the days Hadley is at daycare)
• Spending time with other parents makes me happy, it makes me feel almost normal...I am thankful for my girlfriends with small children and playdates
• A conversation with a really old friend has a way of making me feel better. There is something about a person that has known you your entire life that just makes me smile!
• I never thought I'd say this, but the older I get the more I like alone time...
• I can't MAKE things happen
• I  can't hate people, even when they have done horrible things to me
• Some people jump to conclusions WAY too quickly
• I will never not take it personally when a parent questions something I have done at work; I pride myself on my job and it is impossible for me not be insulted. I am on my 8th year in education and it hasn't gotten any easier.
• Hadley has learned to say "Oh, man" from watching Dora it is the cutest thing in the world.
• I am ready for my trip to Humble, there is something about being in my childhood home that calms me down. I think really it is just being around my mom
• I am way too emotional...

When I went to pick up Hadley today, she was in the next class up. I think she is pretty much phased out of the baby class. She seemed to be having a good time, they were reading a story ( I really liked seeing that). I can't believe I am about the have an 18 month old, that means I am about to have a two year old...how is that possible???

Fathers' day...

I'm not mentally in a good place to write anything today, so luckily Kim sent me some pictures of Hadley from this weekend and some of my own from this morning to fill the space for now :)

What to Expect When Expecting

Saturday, I decided to have a day to myself full of retail therapy. I know I'm not the only girl in the world when a boy makes her upset she finds relief in purchasing a few new outfits- I actually bought stuff for myself and not Hadley, well I did buy her a few items. I was primarily on the hunt for a dress for my upcoming 10 year reunion, and I lucked out and loved the first dress I tried on. After some some shopping I headed to the movies to see What to Expect When Expecting.

It was a good movie. If you know me at all, you probably know I cry in ANY movie and this was no exception. It kind of caught me off guard. I personally loved being pregnant, I mean I loved it; I think that was God's way of taking my mind of my crumbling marriage...when I think back to my pregnancy, as much as I loved it, I can't help but feel sadness and even resentment. I think every woman hopes and desires her significant other to be their right hand man, their support, their cheerleader. I can't help but feel sad when i think back to how different my experience was. Don't get me wrong I had my parents, primarily my mom, there for me in every way I could have hoped for, but it's note same as sharing that experience with my husband. The couples in the movie today all seemed to get closer during the pregnancy, they bonded and worked together. My ex-husband was there to make the baby and when she was born, but not really at all in between. I say that not to complain or to get sympathy, it simply wasn't what I expected at all. I still yearn for the dream of meeting a man that wants to have a child, one that wants to be at the doctor's appointments, to help me in daily task, to truly be my partner through pregnancy and parenting. It isn't something I think of often, but in the theater all alone, I blubbered like an idiot because I feel like I was shortchanged somehow. One of the moms in the movie had a rough pregnancy and said all she had wanted was the "glow" of pregnancy. Once her baby was born she realized he was the glow, and that is exactly how I feel. My pregnancy and journey are not what I had envisioned or what I dreamed for as a little girl, but Hadley brings more joy and purpose to my life than I ever could have imagined, and for now that is all that matters!

Friday play date

Hadley evidently did not get the memo that summer vacation started this morning, as she was up and at em at 5:30! So we got up, I showered, we had a light breakfast, played a bit, and then headed to Walmart. I had a few things I needed to pick up, but I finally was ready to commit to buying a DVD player for the car. We have a trip coming up and I want to avoid meltdowns, and this should do the trick!

I quickly set the DVD player up and we drove to Jill's. Hadley was entrances with Dora. We had a fun play date! Hadley liked all of Xavier's cars, trains, action figures, and also the cat food and water! Lindsey and Krista? Who will be welcoming her first baby in October, also stopped by, so it was a nice girls' afternoon! Hadley got pretty cranky, so it was time for us to go, she passed out within seconds of being buckled in. Hadley and I had a lazy afternoon at home, and enjoyed som quality time before she heads to her Nana's tomorrow.