Thoughts on a Tuesday...

I am not quite sure what it is, but I feel like I have been in some sort of a haze for a while lately. I have been on a few new meds, that make me feel off, maybe a little moody, and bloated…that makes for an awful combination. I have been feeling overwhelmed, stressed, and above all tired. I just haven’t felt like 100% me in a while and it bums me out. I mean I am not depressed or anything, but I just feel really out of it, more like disconnected. My life has become extremely regimented, and I am not sure how I feel about that. I have by no means ever considered myself to be spontaneous or anything anywhere close to that. I have always been a planner and being a single mom has only put that into overdrive, but you know every single week night is the same, heck every single work day is the same. I suppose I am in a rut. I am hoping that after Thursday, my last scheduled work day until August 1st, that the time off and freedom will change all that. I also know that I am going crazy in my mind thinking about all that unstructured time; I need to find activities, play dates, and outings, to fill our time. I am damned if I do, damned if I don’t! BLAH…I just need someone or something to light a fire under me. I am hoping that as Hadley gets older and involved in activities, it will shake things up a bit. I am just a person that likes to have SOMETHING to do ALL the time. Downtime kills me, I suppose that is why I have taken summer school classes from the time I was in 10th grade until now…if I am not busy I get bored and cranky!

Speaking of activities, swimming lessons are going to be the death of me. I am thinking this is just not the right time for Hadley. With her recent and sudden fear of water, I thought/hoped that perhaps this would possibly get her used to the idea of being in the water, but she doesn’t seem to be getting acclimated, in fact she screams the entire time. I am just fearful I am doing more harm than good, so I think that we might discontinue them for now and perhaps continue to attempt trips to the pool with a floaty or something similar…she will come around eventually, in her time. I do really want to start gymnastics in July, because I feel pretty confident that running around and all that jazz will be RIGHT up her ally. I just want her to have experiences and interactions with other kids. I want to raise a well rounded kiddo that develops interest in extracurricular activities, so I will do my part and expose her to as much as I can, and let her decide what she likes and what she doesn’t; because I am certain my child will have no problem discerning what she likes and what she doesn’t….

Two more days of work, and a few more days around town, then I head to Humble for two weeks, for some family time, girlfriend time, and of course my ten year reunion. In a lot of ways it seems like there is no way it has been ten years, but at the same time in lots of ways it feels like a lifetime ago. A lot has happened in my life in ten years; in a lot of ways I am so different, but I think in many ways I am pretty much the same…I am just looking forward to catching up with everyone!