Save the drama for your mama, just keep it away from me!

Hadley and I have been having a blast here in Humble, and I have tons of pictures to upload;however, this post is not about that. Instead it will be a sort of stream of consciousness post about several things swirling around in my head today.

Drama- I hate you. I have been accused of being a drama queen now and again, but in recent years it has become something I loathe. Mostly I hate how there is something about me that seems to attract these people that seem to live off of a high they get from stirring the pot. As a single mom I just don't have the space in my brain to even take a second to dwell on things that do not affect me, nor do I desire to plot against anyone in the name of revenge or because I am bored. The funny thing is I can be minding my own business and then bam! Just like that something starts a chain of events that gets me tangled in a web or stories and arguments that totally derail my day. Perhaps that is my fault. Why am I so easily sucked into it?

The truth is here today at nearly 29 years old, all I want is a simple life...one in which "crazy" things do not happen that make it almost impossible to forage ahead as a rational/sane person. Most days I mange to live a fairly ordinary life, and hey that is alright with me...it's the random happenings of stress and drama that make me thankful I no longer live that way daily, but it also makes me realize I have a long way to go before I can completely turn my back on it. I am pretty confident that on some level it is this hint of drama that gives me difficulty and stands in my way in this whole dating scene...

It's sorta funny that I just said dating scene as if I have it all going on over here, I don't- not at all. To call it a scene is a joke, more like a desert. I go between wanting to find someone to just not knowing how to make it all work...I am very unclear in what I want and what I am looking for. I ponder trying online dating, but can't help but shake that goes against meeting the person I am supposed to meet organically. I am just praying that when it is the right person it hits me over the head, otherwise I am likely to settle and "make it work" because that is what I do. I would like to think I deserve better than that, heck EVERYONE deserves better than that...

I don't know, it's all pretty confusing for me. I just think I am thinking too much: perhaps I just need to stop trying so hard and see what happens. It hurts when you really put yourself out there only to get rejected, but if you never try you never know. I am just going to really take this time to straighten all these drifting thoughts in my head, and figure out what is important to me and what I want/need. In the mean time, I am enjoying all the other relationships in my life: my family. My girlfriends, and of course raising my brilliant little girl!