Thoughts on a Thursday

Well Parenthood was not new this week, so there is no Parenthood Thursday today...so I am going to just kind of have a brain dump...

Do you ever feel like you have the same conversation with somebody over and over again, YET NOTHING ever changes??? I do. It is the most frustrating thing! I get sick and tired of hearing the same excuses/lies/false promises. I get tired of being told someone thinks will shut me up. I mostly get tired of being so emotionally vested in a cause that falls on deaf ears. On the same token, I get sick of hearing just outrageous lies that make no sense at all. Just because you say something doesn't make it true. I can sit here all day and say I am not hungry all the time, but it simply isn't the case. When you have done something wrong, own it- don't make up lies and excuses to make yourself feel better....

I wish so badly I could simply list the things I have been told in conversations this week, that are just outright ignorant and selfish. I keep telling myself I will not engage in these conversations, that no good ever comes out of them, but I do it anyway, why??? Mostly, because I have a deep desire for things to be "normal," functional, and at the very least I have the drive to do what is best for my child...so I suppose until I get it through my head that the said conversation will not end any differently, I will be beating my head againt the wall.

This really is my area of most stuggle. I pray about it all the time. I want to be a good person, one that isn't so quick to anger, or angry, or bitter, and I feel like this is the one area where I miserably fail. I mean I say horrible nasty things that never make me feel any better, and for what??? I just need to stop because it literally drives me crazy!!!

This morning, Hadley pulled out some Dr. Seuss shape flash cards that my mom got her several weeks ago. Just for fun I sat down with her and asked her what the shapes were and she actually knew several. It was very proud. Just as proud as was yesterday- her teacher was out sick and her sub just went on and on about how smart she is. I just love stuff like that, because of course I think she is super smart, but I am her mom. Hearing someone who has just spent one day with her say that, makes me think it is more than just a mom brag!