When you can't say anything nice...

Rather than rant and rave about how angry I that some people can't seem to follow through with ANYTHING, I have decided to share these Halloween cards instead...

Pumpkins...finally

After two rainouts on days that I had planned taking Hadley to see the Pumpkin Village at the Arboretum, we finally made it there Sunday. We had a pretty great day, actually. We started with church, then headed to lunch at Gloria's (love that place), and Hadley actually behaved and acted like a civilized person and I got to eat my entire meal without having to wrestle with her. The Arboretum was packed (and a little expensive), but I am glad we went. Hadley loved running around for about an hour just looking at all the "punkies" and playing with hay (intrestingly enough looking back at her pumpkin picture from last year, she seemed to love hay BOTH years). It was fun until it was clear she was tired and a full blown meltdown signaled it was time to go. I just love fall and pumpkins and plan on taking pumpkin patch pictures every year, possibly even when Hadley is into her teens...

Here are some of my favorites from this weekend...

It's been a while...

I haven't blogged lately...it's been a little hectic lately and on top of that I am fighting a sinus infection; I am blamming the irratic Texas weather for that one. Not a whole lot has been going on that is out of the ordinary. We pretty much wake up, get ready, head to school, I go the gym, get Hadley and go home, we play, eat dinner, bathe, and go to bed...then reapeat.

We did get in a few days of playing outside. Hadley loves the slide, and asks to go slide a lot. She also has taken to like sitting on the rocking chairs on the balcony, she pretty much makes a beeline for the door everyday and says "outside."

She is getting to be pretty bossy. When she decides she wants something you better do it, or she will instantly go into a tantrum. It is almost comical how easily she throws herself into a fit- I just ignore that, because I am not going to deal with that. She has also learned to say "I'm sorry," she uses it sparaingly, but when she does use it correctly, she is so sweet!

Thoughts on a Thursday

Well Parenthood was not new this week, so there is no Parenthood Thursday today...so I am going to just kind of have a brain dump...

Do you ever feel like you have the same conversation with somebody over and over again, YET NOTHING ever changes??? I do. It is the most frustrating thing! I get sick and tired of hearing the same excuses/lies/false promises. I get tired of being told someone thinks will shut me up. I mostly get tired of being so emotionally vested in a cause that falls on deaf ears. On the same token, I get sick of hearing just outrageous lies that make no sense at all. Just because you say something doesn't make it true. I can sit here all day and say I am not hungry all the time, but it simply isn't the case. When you have done something wrong, own it- don't make up lies and excuses to make yourself feel better....

I wish so badly I could simply list the things I have been told in conversations this week, that are just outright ignorant and selfish. I keep telling myself I will not engage in these conversations, that no good ever comes out of them, but I do it anyway, why??? Mostly, because I have a deep desire for things to be "normal," functional, and at the very least I have the drive to do what is best for my child...so I suppose until I get it through my head that the said conversation will not end any differently, I will be beating my head againt the wall.

This really is my area of most stuggle. I pray about it all the time. I want to be a good person, one that isn't so quick to anger, or angry, or bitter, and I feel like this is the one area where I miserably fail. I mean I say horrible nasty things that never make me feel any better, and for what??? I just need to stop because it literally drives me crazy!!!

This morning, Hadley pulled out some Dr. Seuss shape flash cards that my mom got her several weeks ago. Just for fun I sat down with her and asked her what the shapes were and she actually knew several. It was very proud. Just as proud as was yesterday- her teacher was out sick and her sub just went on and on about how smart she is. I just love stuff like that, because of course I think she is super smart, but I am her mom. Hearing someone who has just spent one day with her say that, makes me think it is more than just a mom brag!

Life as of late...

A lot has been going on lately- some good, some stressful, and some pretty darn upsetting.

Last week was sort of blur, we have a lot going on at work...it's going to be pretty stressful until about March, but hopefully it won't be too awful. I am not sleeping too well, I attribute to the fact that I am not sleeping that great to underlying stress...meaning I don't neccessarily feel stressed, but I know that I am a wee bit.

I dipped my baby toe in the dating world...gee, I am going to chalk every experience up to a learning experience, but man it is rough. I am evidently not a very good judge of character- I mean I should know this by now. This person told me I "sold myself short" and there was "no hope of it getting better." There were some other offensive things that totally came out of who know where. Wow, really?!?! I am sorry that I have a difficult time hearing compliment after compliment. I much rather you ask about day, or better yet engage in a conversation when I

tell you about something that has happened rather than responding with "You're hot," or some other variation of that. You barely know me, you should spend your time getting to know me rather than going on and on about yourself and how amazing you are. I just don't like hollow words. I am all for word of affirmation when they mean something, but as a placeholder for conversation is it very offputting. I mean besides I don't think most people would respond to such comments with I know I am the most amazing thing ever. I am a confident person, I mean maybe I am a little more tarnished than I once was, but if you know me, you know I don't exactly have low self esteem, you also know that I don't necessarily feel comfortable having someone go on and on about me...I think that is being called humble????

So I guess, I just dust myself off, move forward and follow my new plan, just sit back and let things happen; I clearly am not good at making these choices for myself. I am looking for greatness, it is going to have to be worth my time to take time away from my child. In the meantime, I can have a good time with my girlfriends, my family, and can enjoy doing things by myself (I have a new found appreciation to doing things by myself). I have hope that there is a good match for me somewhere out there, and when the timing is right it will just happen... and if it doesn't it doesn't- I have a pretty great life so I am just going to focus my efforts on that.

Speaking of, Hadley is doing well. We have had some beauttiful weather days, so she has

been enjoying playing outside. While at school, she seemingly is having a love affair with sand. It is in her hair, in her mouth, in her shoes, all over clothes, they claim they can't keep her away from it... She is also working on counting to ten, she can do it pretty well.

She is talking more and more everyday and sometimes just knows things that I have no idea how she knows them. She is just so smart! She is really into apples these days she eats at least one a day and would eat more if given the chance. She is just a ball of energy, but it is slowly becoming apparent that she is NOT a morning a person. This morning when I woke her up, she kept telling me to hush....as I morning person I do not understand this!

Here are some photos from this weekend, that I haven't shared...

A battle of wits

As I often say, my daughter is very stubbborn. As soon as she figured out that she didn't

HAVE to wear bows, or anything in her hair for that matter, she REFUSES. I have to battle her to try to get her unruly hair in a ponytail. I have pretty much given up any hope of ever doing her hair again, untill yesterady. When I went to get her at daycare they had put her hair up in a ponytail. I asked if she let them do that, and they said she had no issue. So this morning I was determined to get that little stinker's hair up ,she isn't even two- she should not be winning!!!! After several times of being told no, her pushing my hands away, and the big guns- tears; we got her hair up. Not my neatest ponytail, but it was off her face and most importntly... I WON!!!

Today was pink out day at my school, for breast cancer- so Hadley and I both wore our pink,

as you can imagine neither of us have a shortage of pink in our closets!!!!

Parenthood Thursday

You know the deal by now right? I watch Parenthood Wednesday nights and then I get all emotional and write about it here...

This week it really made me think about how precious life it. I mean really. Christina just had a baby, one that is younger than Hadley and just like that they found cancer, now her future is uncertain. It really hit home becuase her oldest daughter Hattie is away at college. Once they told Hattie what was going on she got on a plane and headed home. I just can't imagine

going though that being away at school. Family is one of the most important things in life, they are the ones you need in the dark times. I am sure it is going to painful to watch in the coming weeks as her husband Adam goes through that with her. Love is such a powerful thing, I can't imagine being in any part of that equation. My limited experience with cancer is not so great...hopefully my relationship will continue to be limited.

Also on tonight's episode, Julia, who is probably the one most like me ( she is very type A, very driven, and a working mom). They recently adopted a 9 year old boy and it has bren rough on her and her husband. She has not been totally focused on her job, she is a lawyer and missed a really importnt deadline. The partners called her in and told her she was on the partner track, they asked that she promise that from this point forward her job be the most important thing, and she couldn't- so she quit. Earlier that same day she had a full blown anxiety attack. It was reassuring for me to see that even the most together moms ( yes even fictional ones) sometimes can't do it all. Futhermore, being a mom can sometimes totally change your priorities and plans for yourself. Things that were so importnat before don't seem so important anymore...

If you aren't watching yet- what are you waiting for?? I love this show!


And just for fun...