Thoughts about family

**As a warning, I just sat down to write this post, so it is in a stream of consciousness, it might be a bit choppy, but I think the point is clear**

Sometimes when I am driving, or doing some random thing, I get an idea in my head. An idea that I think could possibly make a good topic to blog about. About a week ago, I got to thinking about families.

Isn’t funny how different everyone interprets the word family. I mean at some point in time everyone is a part of family, and yet what that actually looks like can vary so much. As an educator, I get to see all different types of family, I see how family dynamic can affect a child, I see how lack of family involvement can impact a child, and I have seen the whole gamete. Even within my own extended family, I can see differences within each nuclear family. People perceive familial roles different. I gew up in what I think is a pretty matriarchic family, but I know this is not how all families are. On both sides of my family I have seen what society might call nontraditional families, and in a lot of ways, these version of family seem more comfortable, or knit more tightly than those that follow more rigid definitions of family. What I have learned is this, there is not one way to define a family.

This fact got me to thinking about my very own family.

I am the product of what I guess you would call a blended family. I am also the only child of my two parents. My dad is the baby of six, and my mom is the only child who was raised by her grandparents, because her parents were tragically killed in a car accident when she was two. My dad’s parents divorced, basically because my grandfather was having an affair with my now step grandmother. My dad was really close to his mother, not so much his father. I think all of this is important to note because I think in some way or another it makes a difference in who I am today.

My mom in a lot of ways of different as a mother than I am, I think a lot of this has to do with how she raised and the fact that she did not have a mother. My mom wanted to be a stay at home, that was something she enjoyed and had it been financially prudent she probably would have been happy doing just that (I want to point out she is a college educated woman, so education was important, but a career probably wasn’t stressed so much). I think being what she perceived as a good mom was really important to her- she wanted to give me what she didn’t have; as most moms do. Believe me, my mom is a FANTASTIC mom, I know that she 100% is always there for me- no matter what- so mission accomplished I would say.

My dad is a whole different story. My dad is very supportive, I know he is proud of me and I know that if he can help me in any way he will. We are not exactly super close, but he loves me and I love him and that is all that matters. Usually my dad is on a need to know basis, there is pretty much an understanding that when I call my dad it is because I need something, or something has happened. That is just how it has been. Oddly enough, I think me and my dad are very similar despite the amount of time we spend together…go figure.

When my mom and step dad got married, I was 8, so pretty much my stepdad, and step brother and sister have always been a part of my life…in theory. For a while, for the most part it was great. Everyone got along, we had family get togethers, we celebrated holidays and birthdays and saw each other all the time. It was pretty much a great example of what a blended family could look like. I mean really, it seemed as if everyone was happy. Sadly, that isn’t how it is today, not at all. I rarely see my step siblings, and they seem to prefer it that way. It makes me sad that these people that I loved that were basically a part of most of my memories growing up, are no longer really a part of my life at all. I see them maybe once a year. Everyone is cordial, but that is all it is. As I raise Hadley and as I get older, I see how important family is. It makes me think a lot about the state of my own. Especially as we get into the holiday season. There are tons of things I wish were different and there are also so many things I am so incredibly grateful for. Despite the “shortcomings” I have a pretty great support system in my family, and even my extended family. In a lot of ways Facebook has helped me stay connected to several of my cousins, and that has been pretty cool too.

However different/crazy/dysfunctional one might perceive my family to be, I truly believe family is super important, they are your backbone. I have also come to the conclusion that truly great friends become a part of your “family.”

I guess this point is this, at the end of the day, I hope I impress upon Hadley the importance of family, and that she will grow up feeling like she has a strong support system in her family. I would not be the person I am today without my family, they have rallied for me in SO MANY ways over the past 28 years, and I am blessed that I can say I have an incredible trio of parents that I know are there to celebrate the good times and to be shoulder to cry on in the bad times.