Feeling off...

Ever since Hadley was born and I had the big scare with my blood pressure I feel like I have become a hypochondriac; I am always fearful that something awful will happen to me and Hadley will be alone and it will be a while before anyone knows...it literally is something that I think about in one way or another at least once a day. It is sort of morbid, but being a single parent away from my family makes me that way- it doesn't help that at the slightest feeling of something off I have, to the Internet I go- there is nothing but scary things there, that convince me I am near death.

I have been fighting a sinus infection for a about a week, I thought it would go away, but no such luck. On top of that I started having chest pains the past three days. I am a person that checks my blood pressure at least ice a day. I am subsequently taking a higher dose of meds lately, because it has been high...the past few days it wasn't high at all, but the pains were concerning, as was the pain in my arms. So rather than be sorry later I went to the doctor. They immediately did an EKG, and said everything looked normal. My doctor assured me I hadn't had a heart attack and I wasn't at risk for having one soon. So, that is one less thing I have to worry about. I am one that puts up with a lot- I don't mind going the doctor, but on a tight budget, I like to only go when I have to. However, being Hadley's only caretaker it is super important for me to take care of myself, so I can take care of her. It just makes me so much more aware of my body and anything that feels off...it might be irrational, but literally it really is something I think about ALL the time!!

I swear it's like someone is attempting to communicate me via the how parenthood...I watched this weekend episode tonight and as always it just aligns so much with what's going on in my life and in my head. One of the mom's just learned she has cancer- she has three kids, one of which is younger than Hadley...I just cried for about 10 mins- life is precious; that a good reminder!!